There is one thing that we all deal with in our 20s and maybe, even for most of our life.
And that’s the disconnect we feel from our parents.
Now I don’t know if that has been felt by every generation and if I’ll I feel with my kids someday too.
But I definitely know it’s there. And a lot of us feel it.
The word disconnect, though, can be put into a very broad spectrum. So I’ll speak about it in terms of mindset.
Personally, being a first generation Indian woman, I can best relate when it comes to being a child of immigrant parents. But I have met many who relate with the same difficulties in their cultures.
We live in a time of information. Anything we’ve wanted to know more about, we were always able to find unlimited amount of information on from the internet, or the books we read, or just from browsing social media.
So that has led us to be a much more aware group of kids, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Then why is when we interact with our parents, we feel like that we’re always on a different page.
Honestly, the truth that we struggle to acknowledge is that a part of them is always trying to.
For they came from a time that was completely different from ours.
And I’m not just speaking just in terms of culturally but environmentally as well.
For example, my parents were raised in small villages in the state of Punjab, where you walked a few miles to school everyday, didn’t have electricity most of the day, and passed your time by creating games out of rocks with your friends.
And now, they live a lifestyle in which every member of the family has their own vehicle, they’re able to see the faces of their family on a screen while talking to them, and can have food ordered to their doorstep based around their convenience.
So even when we have those moments that we are super frustrated by their understanding of a basic ethic of humanity, trust me, they’re probably trying.
Even if it may not seem like it, at some point, when everything goes quiet in their day, they are definitely reflecting on it.
But in the end of the day though, the real disappointment is not that we fail to realize this. The real disappointment is that some of us have stop trying to help them evolve.
See, just like our parents held a responsibility to us growing up, to make sure that we turned out to be semi good human beings, we hold the same responsibility to them now to make sure we help them evolve into happier, healthy human beings as well.
They’re our parents. We may not want to acknowledge it but we see the hurt and pain in their eyes. We see the traumas they’ve been through to have created the mindsets that they’re in. We see the techniques they use to protect themselves. Or us. We see how badly they just want to be happy.
And most of all, we see what’s holding them back.
Realistically, all of our emotional intelligence has no value if we do not take the time to sit with them and explain different ways of thinking or the different ways the world is evolving.
When we were younger, we would look at them for understanding when we had those first lashes of pain. Now as they are getting older, it is our responsibility to use this gift we have, being raised in this time, to help them heal and let go of those toxic thoughts, habits, and relationships.
And this doesn’t mean interrogate them and force them to understand.
But more so, choose the right opportunity to have those loving and caring conversations.
Take advantage of those times you’re sitting in the car with them by playing a podcast that speaks about importance of correct communication. Or watch movies with them that portray the lives of all the different members in the family. Just anything that would lead to a healthy, reflective conversation after.
Start by sending them the articles you read or the random videos that you watch.
Even if makes you uncomfortable to do different things like these, just think about how it may help them to see or hear something from a different perspective.
Just because our parents have played that assertive, confident roles in our lives, does not mean they have it all figured out either. Use your consciousness to help them and use their experience to help you.
Just don’t give up on them.
Because they are trying.
Leave a Reply